Your finger flits through face after face as you amass matches like collectors' items left to gather dust on a forgotten shelf. You swipe, you match, you...never speak to them. So goes the interminable revolving door of online dating.
Why so cynical, you may well be wondering? I, like many online daters, have been swiping for years. Whenever I find myself in need of a thumb-twiddling activity, I fire up Tinder and Bumble and aimlessly trawl through a bottomless pit of faces. I fling messages at a few of the matches I fancy, but things usually fizzle out after an initial flirtation. I stockpile matches like they're going out of fashion, but when it comes to actual meaningful engagement, there's very little going on.
This swiping ennui is shared by other daters. Freelance journalist Kanika Banwait says she treats dating apps "as more of a game right now" than a tool for looking for a relationship. "When I get a match, I tend to message the guy but often they don't reply or if they do, the conversation is usually boring or very one sided, so I stop messaging," says Banwait. She uses Bumble and Tinder at the moment, but says she isn't really "committed to them" and mostly uses them when she's "bored or trying to fall asleep" as the "monotonous swiping makes [her] feel sleepy."
Aside from swiping's soporific benefits, dating apps are frustrating for Banwait. "You match with someone that you think you could really like and the conversation never takes off because it's easier to not reply to a message or not open an app than it would be to ignore someone if you met in real life or traditional way."
So, if swiping's not working, why not just delete the apps? "I've had this conversation with a lot of my friends and we all have expressed a dislike for dating apps, but continue to use them because it seems to be the way it works now," says Banwait.
For those looking for meaningful connections, the gamification of dating apps can be demoralising. Musician Kev Leam finds swiping "utterly soul-destroying" due to the lack of interaction. "On the rare moments I've had a match they've actually come out and said it's just a game to them," he says. Despite being disheartened, Leam says he keeps coming back time again on the off-chance that something might come from it. "I keep going back in the hope that maybe something might come of it which I know is the wrong thing to do but the apps are strangely addictive," says Leam. "I've deleted them numerous times but after a while I download them again but it's the same thing over and over again."
"That’s a user browsing 7,500 profiles before connecting with someone 'meaningfully.
So, are dating app users getting tired of endlessly swiping? This conversation isn't just being had by tired daters who've reached the end of their swiping tether — the dating industry is also asking itself this very question. Scott Harvey, editor of Global Dating Insights — the online dating industry's trade publication — says this question is a "real talking point within the industry" right now. "Swiping is definitely good for matching — plenty of users will rack up dozens or hundreds of matches — but a lot of low quality interaction can follow on from that," he says.
Harvey broke down the figures of just how much swiping it actually takes to get a meaningful level of engagement. By his estimate, users will need to peruse thousands of profiles before getting any meaningful engagement. "Say it takes 10 swipes for a match, 2 matches for an opening line, 3 opening lines for a response, 5 responses for a flowing conversation, 5 flowing conversations for a date, and 5 dates for a second date," says Harvey. "That’s a user browsing 7,500 profiles before connecting with someone 'meaningfully.'"
Harvey says that there's a "feeling out there" that online daters are "jaded." "The automaticity of swiping and the paradox of choice tend to be the two main criticisms — users look for a quick dopamine hit, and this becomes a higher priority than engaging with their matches," says Harvey. The term 'paradox of choice' refers to the notion that having excessive choice — something generally considered to be a good thing — can actually make us unhappy and dissatisfied. So, are swipers using matches for a fleeting moment of validation? Could too much choice be holding us back?
One app has already decided to break away from the swiping model. Hinge decided to ditch its swipe-based user experience back in 2016. Back then, the app's CEO and co-founder Justin McLeod had some harsh words about swipe culture. "Dating websites aren’t being used and dating apps have become like a game that’s dehumanising its players," McLeod told TNW. Since making radical changes to its user experience — enabling users to like and reply to specific aspects of a user's profile — the app has reported a significant rise in user engagement. A spokesperson for Hinge told Mashable that prior to getting rid of the swipe only 15 percent of matches were leading to conversations. Now, with Hinge's new non-swipe user experience, three times as many matches turn into conversations compared to the old swiping version of the app.
"They can get you to a real life 'hello,' but can’t accurately predict the value of any subsequent experience."
Dating blogger Lucy Goes Dating says she feels like swipe apps are "basically killing dating and romance." As she rightly points out, there's enough evidence to support the fact that swiping does work. "There are enough stories of people who met their other halves on dating apps to prove that," she says. That said, she notes that, for many daters, "you can get dozens of matches but no one ever messages." She's tried messaging every single Bumble match, but keeps finding that "hardly any of them reply." "Recently I got 19 matches, only four replied within the required 24 hours, and all four of those fizzled out because the conversation was dull and went nowhere," says Lucy. "The apps need to get better," she adds.
On the other hand, are we putting too much onus on the apps? Do we need to manage our own expectations about what these apps are capable of achieving? Helen Fisher, Chief Scientific Advisor at Match.com, told IntelligenceSquared: "these are not dating sites, they are introducing sites."
Harvey says he thinks Fisher's approach is a sensible one. "They can get you to a real life 'hello,' but can’t accurately predict the value of any subsequent experience just yet," says Harvey.
As to whether or not a better model exists for "meaningful online connections," Harvey's not sure. "Some services have compatibility algorithms, such as eHarmony and OkCupid, but there’s not a huge amount of independent science suggesting they work," he says. "I would say watch this space — the apps experimenting with video streaming might be on to something, or the next radical innovation may come with the application of artificial intelligence."
Hinge's shift away from the swipe shows that some daters — those seeking meaningful connections — might need to look to non-swipe-based dating apps. To swipe or not to swipe? That's the ultimate question. For now, I'll be retiring my swiping thumb. It was fun while it lasted. Kinda.
